Part 3: Redefining my Relationship with God. - The Story of my Deconversion, Deprogramming, Reconversion and Awakening -

    How would you describe the relationship you have with God? Is God your benevolent father, a cosmic sovereign, or your eternal judge? Is God distant and unknowable or intimate and personal to you? If you are like me the question can not be answered in a simple sentence.  The relationship isn’t complicated but it is difficult to explain. Nevertheless I will try and do so in this part 3 of my blog series on my de-conversion, deprogramming, reconversion and awakening.

    For the majority of my life I had a very particular view of how God, in the Christian context, relates to humanity.  What I mean by this is that I had a very particular notion of God’s personality and attributes. I personified God as a man who created everything and had a very particular way that he desired things to be done. He communicated his will to His creation through his prophets after sin put a wedge between God and humanity. The story goes that a wedge was created when Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden ignored God’s instructions, this is also known as the original sin. Ever since that time the rest of humanity, Adam and Eve’s descendants, were all inclined to ignore God’s instructions as well. This made him angry. It is this angry God with the desire to put things back in order that I served in fear the majority of my life.

    My fear was that I would do something that would displease God. God, as I was taught, was never changing and uncompromising. It was His way or eternal damnation. This wouldn’t be so difficult if his way was made clear, but it wasn’t.  His guidance was frozen in time with the issues that confronted people living in the first century.  This maybe why so many in the 19th century began to follow the words of their contemporaries who claimed prophetic insight like Joseph Smith, Mary Baker Eddy, and Ellen G. White. People needed to know what to do to please God in order to avoid his wrath and so did I. 

    This fear was stoked by “Fire and Brimstone" sermons that dominated my childhood. These sermons emphasized the peril of rejecting God’s instructions. Their purpose was to persuade sinners to repent.  Good examples of this type of preaching is Charle Haddon Spurgeon’s sermon “Future Punishment a Fearful Thing” or Jonathan Edward’s sermon “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”  in which he writes:

 

“The God that holds you over the pit of Hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect, over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked; his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times so abominable in his eyes as the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours. You have offended him infinitely more than ever a stubborn rebel did his prince: “ -(Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, p. 15) 

    The sermons I heard were a little milder in tone but the conclusions that they lead people to draw were the same. If you displeased God you will be punished eternally. The only way to please God is to do what he wants you to do. The only way to know what he wants you to do is through the Bible. The only way to understand and apply the Bible in present day context is through the teaching of skilled Bible teachers and preachers who would use the texts and through analogy develop principles for current circumstances.  So you can see where a person would always be in doubt as to whether their actions would be acceptable to God and given the severity of the consequence how the anxiety this induced would be unbearable. The relationship between God and man was one of Judge and criminal defendant, but is this the proper view?

God of Grace.

    We have to take a step back and look at the history of how God relates to humanity as presented in the Bible. We begin with the creation story.  In this story God is a creative who brings things into existence without explanation. The why behind his actions is not necessary to explain. If you have ever created anything you understand that the motivation for creativity is simply the ability to create. Artists, musicians and writers create because they can and therefore there is no surprise that Genesis simply presents a God who creates just because it can. 

    God created everything and therefore it was God’s prerogative to dictate to creation the way it should function. God provides clear instructions to Adam to not eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil or he would certainly die. Genesis 2:17.  Adam eats of the fruit but God does not kill him. The first recorded interaction with humanity outside of their creation was an act of grace. Rather then carry out the promised death sentence God punishes them with having them have to labor for their own food and for women to experience pain in child birth. 

    The next chapter of Genesis introduces the first murder.  An envious Cain kills his brother Abel because God preferred Abel’s sacrifice over Cain’s.  God does not punish Cain with death, rather God diminished Cain’s crop yield. Cain apparently views this punishment as being worst than death, but this punishment I must emphasize was not destruction.

    Next is Noah. The Bible says the wickedness of humanity and that every thought of their hearts were evil continually. This realization caused God to regret creating humanity and as a result God decides to destroy them, however, one man catches his attention. Noah found grace with God and God instructs him on how to construct a vessel to save himself and his family. Noah listened and his obedience resulted in the saving of him and his family. This demonstration of obedience leads to God establishing the first covenant with a human. God promises not to destroy the earth with water again and placed the rainbow in the sky as reminder to God-self.

    There is nothing in these first chapters of Genesis that suggest a blood thirsty God. A God who abhors disobedient humans. Rather this god's prescription for disobedience was grace towards the transgressors and another opportunity to do right.  

God’s Relationship with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 

    Abram hears a the voice of God instructing him to leave his home country and go to a place that God would show him. Like Noah he did as the voice commanded and his obedience causes God to establish a covenant with him. God would make Abraham the father of many nations in exchange for them making God their god.  The sign of their acceptance of the covenant is circumcision. This covenant sealed in blood would perpetually extend to successive generations. God would honor the covenant with all of Abraham’s descendants but if an individual breaks it that individual would be cut-off from the rest of the family, not eternal damnation. 

    Isaac was a wanderer like this father Abraham. These nomads of the Pentateuch wandered to survived but in their world every territory they entered was ruled by a different god or elohim, a particular deity.  That deity would ensure that those within their territory had sufficient food and rainfall.  The god of Abraham was different.  This god did not leave or forsake them regardless of where they traveled. This god directed the travels of the patriarchs each time promising to lead them to fruitful places where they could live and survive. God reassured them each time that he would be there for them. He was unbound by borders. This is how God directed Isaac in Genesis 26:2-5.  God tells him not to go to Egypt but stay in Gerar and God would bless him and is descendants. Isaac was obedient and prospered in Gerar. 

    Jacob was a wanderer like his father Isaac. His wandering also directed by God. The relationship between God and Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was contractual and based on temporal blessings. God promised blessed them and their future generations if they followed God’s instructions. They would survive and prosper, however those who chose not to follow were to be cut-off from the family and the fruits of their labor and blessings. No additional punishment was mentioned either in the present life or any future one. To put it simply God’s relationship to the patriarchs was to help them flourish and perpetuate their genes on earth. It did not concern the afterlife or eternity. 

God’s Relationship with the Children of Israel 

    Jacob has twelve sons. As the story goes the other sons were jealous of Joseph and sold him into slavery in Egypt. God, as he did with Joseph’s great-grandfather, grandfather and father travelled with Joseph to Egypt and was with him there causing all that he did to prosper (See Genesis 39:3). Joseph eventually controls all of the resources of Egypt and when a famine hits the region Joseph is able to bring his family to Egypt allow them to survive through that tough period of time. 

    This temporary stay becomes a long term situation which eventually becomes slavery.  Little detail is given about the relationship between God and the descendants of Jacob, known as the Children of Israel or Israel, but after 400 years God decides to respond to their cries for help and deliver them from Egypt. A burning bush attracts the exiled Hebrew-born and Egyptian-educated Moses into the Midian desert to the spot at which God would explain to Moses that God was the elohim of his father, of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob and that God desired him to free God's people. (see Exodus 3:6). Without any agreement Moses obeys, the people obey and they leave Egypt and arrive at Mount Sinai. At Mount Sinai God presents a covenant to people similar to that provided to their forefathers, do what God ask them to do and God will make them God’s special people.  They agreed. This time rather than have one patriarch continually receiving the instructions from God, God’s instructions were written down and read to the people and kept in the ark. Added to it were more details punishments for breaking the terms of the covenant called judgments.

    The subsequent chapters of the Old Testament document the relationship between God and Israel in some detail. For the most part it is the struggle to keep the covenant intact because the Children of Israel were having a hard time abiding by it.  Each time they collectively or in large number violated the terms of the covenant some calamity came upon them whether it be military attacks, famine, or plague. They would cry out to God for relief from the situation. Other times God tries to overt the danger by pleading and begging Israel to abide by the covenant. In all cases Israel’s violation of the covenant released God of his obligation to protect them and thus God allowed the punishments and infliction to affect them. The causes were attributed to God but were really caused by Israel’s disobedience. The consequence could have been avoided if Israel only abided by the covenant. 

    The transgressions of the covenant are identified as sin.  Thus Israel’s prayers are filled with pleas that God not remember their sins and thereby continue to honor the covenant. At times Israel was ignorant as to how they displeased God and prophets would arise to tell them was God had to say in this regard. The relationship in this period was still temporal. If Israel abided by the covenant so would God and their life on earth would be pleasant. If not they may be subjected to all the evils of life.

God’s Relationship with Humanity under the New Testament

    It was in the most trying periods in which a large portion of Israel was taken into exile that God through his prophets revealed a new plan. God would release them from captivity and establish Israel as a great nation through whom all the world would be blessed. God would send a redeemer to establish a new covenant. 

“Behold, days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah not like the covenant which I made with their fathers on the day I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, although I was a husband to them,” declares the Lord. For this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days,” declares the Lord: “I will put My law within them and write it on their heart; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. They will not teach again, each one his neighbor and each one his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they will all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them,” declares the Lord, “for I will forgive their wrongdoing, and their sin I will no longer remember.” Jeremiah 31:31-34

This new covenant would be instituted by the messiah. Jesus Christ claimed the role of messiah as he stood in the synagogue and read a passage from the Prophet Isaiah. After reading Isaiah 61 Jesus told the audience that this prophecy was fulfilled that day. What that meant was that Jesus would be the person to usher in the new covenant but to do so the old covenant must somehow be terminated. The issue with terminating the old covenant was that it was sealed in blood and could only be broken by the death of one of the parties to the covenant. Thus the death of Jesus as explained by the Apostle Paul in the book of Hebrews became the way to terminate the old covenant.  Jesus who did not view is robbery to take God’s place as guarantee of the old covenant died to release the children of Israel from their obligations under the old covenants. Jesus's blood was then used to institute the new covenant. The promise is the same one provided to the patriarchs, God would be elohim to anyone who accepts the terms of the new covenant and God would put his law within them so that they instinctively understood what God required from them.  A what may be the most important aspect of the new covenant is God’s promise to forgive their wrongdoing and forget their sins without any prerequisites.

Humanity’s Relationship with God

    The Bible’s view of the relationship between God and humanity is that of a contractual relationship in which God promises to direct the path of life for all those who choose to obey God resulting in positive outcomes in the present life. God’s relationship with humanity has never had a focus on the afterlife. Bart Ehrman in his book Heaven and Hell: A History of the Afterlife,  explains that the concept of an afterlife was not taught in the Old Testament and is not what Jesus Christ  or the Apostle Paul taught. The concepts of the earthly kingdom to come, judgment of spiritual evil actors and the Greek concept of an immortal soul infiltrated Christian theology resulting in the Biblical concept of this angry God seeking to eternally punish disobedient humans. The Biblical perspective has always been that human beings that are not on God’s side at the end of times will be annihilated and those who have followed God would be rewarded in the Kingdom of Heaven, a physical reality here on earth. John explains this well in the last two chapters of the book of Revelation, including what is referred to as the second death for the unbelieving. The concept however is not one of angry God but a creative reseting his creation. A do over in which the defects are removed.   

    “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth     passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new             Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for     her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, ‘Behold, the     tabernacle of God is among the people, and He will dwell among them, and they     shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away     every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer     be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” - Revelation 21:1-4

    So my relationship with God became a contractual one. I agreed to follow, God agreed to lead me to positive outcomes with the added bonus of a place in the earth made new.  This understanding would change in the future as well.